Feels like FOREVER ago

So I'm sitting here at starbucks with a couple of my fellow students, taking in the first official day of orientation. I am feeling so much better about things; When I first got here I was so overwhelmed with sense of, "What the heck did I just sign up for" that I had a hard time with saying goodbye to my mom and adjusting to this foreign atmosphere. I am far outside my comfort zone and therefore that’s one main reason I know this is the right place for me.

Today we were asked to turn in a scripture that would represent this year for ourselves and up until last night I was so sure that I wanted to use Micah 7:7-“But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of salvation. My God will hear me.” Today during devotions God spoke something to my spirit; He said, “A fire shut up in my bones…” and that was it. I knew I had to search it out…I then found the scripture in Jeremiah 20:9 saying, “But if I say, I will not remember Him or speak anymore of His name, then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I am weary of holding it in, and I cannot endure it.”

He started to speak to me about my motives behind certain things. I felt a part of my flesh reluctant to die. I wanted every motive for doing Anthem and serving and doing life in general to be because I can’t contain the vastness of God. I want His reality to explode from my essence; I’ve been trying to do so many things on my own instead of pursuing His goodness first. His heart is what my spirit desires.

Even after these heavy revelations I was still hesitant with choosing this verse. That’s when Cody Chapman began to lead worship. The moment he began to play I felt the sweet spirit of God on my skin. I knew He was all around me. Cody sang a song I haven’t heard in years, a song that is so profound to me even more so now. He sang “Fire Fall Down” by Hillsong. The words hit me like a freight train to a brick wall. I have been so un-moved lately and I want what makes Gods heart tick to effect even the small crevices of my heart. I want to sluff off this mundane outer shell and fly to my Gods heart. I want to sit at His throne as He bends down to tell me His secrets.

I can now feel that fire that has been shut up in my bones and I CANNOT hold it in anymore!

Here we go…….

The best part is breaking down

Firstly, there has been so much that has happened since I last wrote. So I will start with the most miraculous thing; It was down to the wire…August 11^th(The due date for my Anthem down payment) I knew it was going to be last minute but I didn’t know that the funds would come two days later. I keep saying, “Try and convince me that God is not a miraculous God.” He came through in such an incredible way!

The morning of that fateful day, my grandmother and another church friend watching the same TV program at different places received a word of knowledge for me that the preacher was speaking. He prophesied that there was someone out there looking for tuition for ministry school and not to worry because God is sending it now, when God gives gifts He gives more than enough. When I was told that, there was little hope in me. I was soooo depressed because I thought God forgot about me and/or that I heard Him wrong.

It was a long two days filled with those emotions. The 13^th rolled around like molasses, and with it brought a miracle. My school counselor called me with incredible news…$1000 was found for me, exactly what I needed in order to go to Anthem. I got off the phone, screamed, cried, praised the Lord, and told my parents. So, I knew His timing was perfect…but that was just showing off…lol:p

The next Saturday at church, people were literally coming up to me and handing me money and gifts towards college. I just kept saying, “More Lord!?” He is so willing, there is a verse in the bible that rocks my core when it comes to His heart; “Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?”-Matt 6:26

He is so beautiful the way He works, He makes all things come together for our good.

So here I am about to get settled in, and oh how scary this is! I didn’t expect it to be this hard parting with my friends and family. Let’s just say I am extremely outside my comfort zone. That’s the reason I know I’m doing what God wants me to do. Haha!

He keeps reassuring me that the all heartache will subside and He is going to replace it with intimate moments with Him. This is my year to stretch and bend to voice of God; I will be so drenched in and familiar to His presence. I am so excited to go on this journey with Him! He has incredible things in store and I can’t wait to discover them along side Him.