Feels like FOREVER ago

So I'm sitting here at starbucks with a couple of my fellow students, taking in the first official day of orientation. I am feeling so much better about things; When I first got here I was so overwhelmed with sense of, "What the heck did I just sign up for" that I had a hard time with saying goodbye to my mom and adjusting to this foreign atmosphere. I am far outside my comfort zone and therefore that’s one main reason I know this is the right place for me.

Today we were asked to turn in a scripture that would represent this year for ourselves and up until last night I was so sure that I wanted to use Micah 7:7-“But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of salvation. My God will hear me.” Today during devotions God spoke something to my spirit; He said, “A fire shut up in my bones…” and that was it. I knew I had to search it out…I then found the scripture in Jeremiah 20:9 saying, “But if I say, I will not remember Him or speak anymore of His name, then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I am weary of holding it in, and I cannot endure it.”

He started to speak to me about my motives behind certain things. I felt a part of my flesh reluctant to die. I wanted every motive for doing Anthem and serving and doing life in general to be because I can’t contain the vastness of God. I want His reality to explode from my essence; I’ve been trying to do so many things on my own instead of pursuing His goodness first. His heart is what my spirit desires.

Even after these heavy revelations I was still hesitant with choosing this verse. That’s when Cody Chapman began to lead worship. The moment he began to play I felt the sweet spirit of God on my skin. I knew He was all around me. Cody sang a song I haven’t heard in years, a song that is so profound to me even more so now. He sang “Fire Fall Down” by Hillsong. The words hit me like a freight train to a brick wall. I have been so un-moved lately and I want what makes Gods heart tick to effect even the small crevices of my heart. I want to sluff off this mundane outer shell and fly to my Gods heart. I want to sit at His throne as He bends down to tell me His secrets.

I can now feel that fire that has been shut up in my bones and I CANNOT hold it in anymore!

Here we go…….

The best part is breaking down

Firstly, there has been so much that has happened since I last wrote. So I will start with the most miraculous thing; It was down to the wire…August 11^th(The due date for my Anthem down payment) I knew it was going to be last minute but I didn’t know that the funds would come two days later. I keep saying, “Try and convince me that God is not a miraculous God.” He came through in such an incredible way!

The morning of that fateful day, my grandmother and another church friend watching the same TV program at different places received a word of knowledge for me that the preacher was speaking. He prophesied that there was someone out there looking for tuition for ministry school and not to worry because God is sending it now, when God gives gifts He gives more than enough. When I was told that, there was little hope in me. I was soooo depressed because I thought God forgot about me and/or that I heard Him wrong.

It was a long two days filled with those emotions. The 13^th rolled around like molasses, and with it brought a miracle. My school counselor called me with incredible news…$1000 was found for me, exactly what I needed in order to go to Anthem. I got off the phone, screamed, cried, praised the Lord, and told my parents. So, I knew His timing was perfect…but that was just showing off…lol:p

The next Saturday at church, people were literally coming up to me and handing me money and gifts towards college. I just kept saying, “More Lord!?” He is so willing, there is a verse in the bible that rocks my core when it comes to His heart; “Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?”-Matt 6:26

He is so beautiful the way He works, He makes all things come together for our good.

So here I am about to get settled in, and oh how scary this is! I didn’t expect it to be this hard parting with my friends and family. Let’s just say I am extremely outside my comfort zone. That’s the reason I know I’m doing what God wants me to do. Haha!

He keeps reassuring me that the all heartache will subside and He is going to replace it with intimate moments with Him. This is my year to stretch and bend to voice of God; I will be so drenched in and familiar to His presence. I am so excited to go on this journey with Him! He has incredible things in store and I can’t wait to discover them along side Him.

It IS true He is always on time

Last night I was chewing on this thought, ‘If Your strength is perfected in my weakness then Your strength is the one constant I know. I will always look to You.’ So much so, I slept on it.

Today while in the middle of writing yet another funding letter for Anthem, I began to feel an overwhelming feeling of, “I can’t do this.” It was true but I still had that small flicker of a hope that it would pull through. I was feeling like a failure in so many things; I began to allow the enemy to recall so many times where I haven’t finished something or dropped the ball. I know I can’t do it; But God can. I’m tired of relying on my ability or strength to accomplish something.

In the midst of my reverie, a package arrived from a dear friend of mine. I watched as my mom brought it up to the house and I instantly knew it was from this friend. We opened it up to find some sentimental things and two cards, one for the whole family, and one for just me. I felt so honored :) I pulled the card out and on the front is written the perfect verse for me to hear at that very second; Jeremiah 29:11- “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” So then I proceed to the inside and I see a folded check…My thoughts were: ‘OMG. What did she just do!?’ I read the card and I began to cry; she had written about sowing into my ministry. This was just the little piece of hope that I needed right in that moment. She is the first of the sponsors to sow into my future and I will be eternally grateful for that gift.

As I am writing, a storm is approaching; oh how I love thunder and rain! It reminds me of the vast power of God. With $5,250 left to go, I will finish with this thought: He is always on time…

Freshhhhh

So this is my first blog. I'm just warning you now....I might not be very good at this:/ I'm so used to writing personal stuff in journals and keeping it to myself. I do know that it's so important to be transparent and honest so here I go...even if no one read this:)

This upcoming year is gonna be pretty intense and amazing and I just want to provide a place for people to see my journey and progress.

So today I am conquering a cold, worked at Oldnavy until 8:30pm, came home and ate a little something and immediately got to work on finding funding for my Anthem School of Ministry tuition. I have never attempted to raise $5,400 dollars in my entire life. To be honest...it's a bit scary! I am so in love with my Provider and I know He will always take care of me, so these are the thoughts that keep me going.

Hopefully soon I will have a way for people to donate money and sponsor me for Anthem

If you are reading this and interested in knowing more about Anthem you can go to this website:http://findyouranthem.com

Thank you so much and I will be post more spiritual journey stuff later on. So stay tuned!

Kelsey